in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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