This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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