Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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