wat bout pragnant strippers??
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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