Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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