I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
