Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
