my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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