I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize