Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
