note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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