just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
