My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is this the sara with the beer cane?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
