I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
