I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
