I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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