Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
