I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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