Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Fuck appropriateness.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your cock deserves a montage
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
