my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
