we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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