My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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