also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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