I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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