I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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