dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize