If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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