i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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