4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
