Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
