dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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