So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
