Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize