Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
