it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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