I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
