I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
