6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
