I'm so fucking centered right now
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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