So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize