He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
