he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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