I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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