its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
