if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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