We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We had to coat check the pizza.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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