My balls are so social today.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
