I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
