its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
