Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
