Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
