My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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