is your mom at the bar?
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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