My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
