His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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