I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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