Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
