My room smells like vodka and shame
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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