Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
