FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
