she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
