I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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