dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
