Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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