Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
