I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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