They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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