I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
