Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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