It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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