dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I supernannyed him into submission
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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