**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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